BDSM Pledge

I like the idea of a BDSM pledge. However, I’d also like to see it expanded beyond just a set of guidelines for people who are playing together.

To me, a useful BDSM pledge goes beyond conduct between folks in a scene. I think that people involved in BDSM in an ethical way have responsibilities not only to their partners, but to everyone around them. For example, we in the community generally understand the importance of consent with people that we play with; I would like to see the principle of consent applied to other people as well. (I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at a play party or munch and seen some self-described Dom swat a self-described sub on the ass as she walks by, in situations where it’s clear that the people involved don’t know each other and haven’t negotiated anything.) If consent is meaningful, it has to apply all the time.

I would also like to see–and this might be where some folks get upset–a code of conduct that makes our community a less hospitable place for out-and-out abusers. They do, unfortunately, exist. Some abusers do manage to find shelter in the BDSM community, when others in the community see examples of abusive behavior and fail to act, or worse yet defend the abuser. One especially unfortunate example I’m aware of concerns a friend of mine who was sexually assaulted by a well-known member of the community, and was shunned by other people in the community when she spoke out about the assault. It wasn’t until others came forward to talk about how that same person had also sexually assaulted them that the community finally responded by removing the abuser. I think this sort of situation is (thankfully) quite rare, but when it does happen, I think that there is a responsibility on the part of all of us in the community to act.

So the tl;dr version is: I would like to see a BDSM pledge that talks not only about consent and responsibility between partners in the BDSM community, but that also encourages all of us to be more aware of consent at social events, and to encourage all of us to be vigilant about bad apples who might try to find a home in the community. All of these things, to me, are an important part of ethical, responsible BDSM.